I forget how beautiful fall is until its here--the colors and the coolness of this time of year. Somehow it proves good for my soul.
One of my favorite quotes is by Emily Jane Bronte,
Every leaf speaks bliss to me
fluttering from the autumn tree.
I need to stitch that on something.
This year has been challenging. On top of all our medical expenses our income went down again. Peter is busy going to school. There is just only so much we can juggle at once and so we've it is time to take a step back, take a breather, and sell the house.
The good news is that we have a rental just around the corner waiting for us, which means we don't have to change things in the school or the ward for the kids. Peter can finish school, study and pass the CPA, and we can catch our breath and let things stabilize out before we buy again.
It isn't terrible news. I think we are actually relieved to be done fretting about it, and the other house, though smaller, has a much better layout to serve our current needs--which means we can move Will out of our closet and John can sleep feet away from his parents. In his own bed. That isn't on my floor. Because right now this is what I wake up to almost everyday:
It's rather intrusive.
Honestly the biggest downer is our dog. My dog. He can't come and I have been bawling about it for a solid week. It really is the stupidest thing I am so sad about this dog. Dogs are so much work. The grooming, the food, the darting out the door, the counter-surfing for food, the barking, the vet expenses, etc.
I just can't seem to convince my heart of all this yet. Who is going to be waiting with baited breath to take a walk? He won't be sleeping by my door when I leave my room in the morning. He won't be waiting for me to get out of the shower or come home from the grocery store. He won't be there to lay down and put his head on my feet or paw my lap to give him one more pat.
I was sobbing it out the other day and John gave me this to try to make me feel better:
He said it is to remember Charlie by. It only made me cry harder.
Stupid, stupid dog. I can't even have people talk to me about it. Just typing this is making me bawl.
The good news is that I seem to be taking it harder than anyone else. Everyone is sad but they seem to be coping pretty well. We have a new home picked out for him with a family that has another Standard Poodle. A beautiful white female. We keep joking that Charlie is getting a girlfriend soon. They are a wonderful family from what I have been able to gather. They have a giant fenced backyard and do all kinds of hiking, camping and other outdoor things with their dog. Charlie is going to be no worse for the wear I can tell you. This has actually been really comforting to me and I think maybe I'm starting to come to terms with it, but just for the record don't ask me about it. Sensitive topic right now, especially to a woman three months from having a baby.
Speaking of which, you know who else I woke up to today?
I know.
I got nothing to complain about.
