Irrational thoughts of full-term pregnant woman

With my due date coming up in exactly one week all kinds of positive signs are going on in respect to my body looking ready but of course that doesn't necessarily mean anything in my case. I never have gone into labor without some sort of intervention. Peter wants a 4th of July baby and the hospital will induce me starting today. The kids keep begging me to take castor oil like I did with Rebecca but I have no desire to ever taste that wicked awful stuff again and have a violent, rather messy, ridiculously fast-have-the-baby's-head-come-out-in-my-sweats-labor again and I'm sure the nurses at the hospital will appreciate that, among other things.

It is hard for my family to understand why I'm so miserably uncomfortable but don't want to be induced just yet. If one of them would like to do it for me and find that the epidural doesn't work again they would never question me again. For me inducement= epidural and my one epidural I had in my life didn't work AT ALL. The good folks here at Utah Valley insist they are the best and they'll get it right this time. It was those California doctors that don't have nearly the influx of laboring women that makes them out of practice. Maybe so. I've been told to request the anesthesiologist with the suspenders. The ladies around here swear he is a miracle worker.

Truth is that though I'm miserable, I'm also scared. I feel too old to do this again and with my ever-expanding body continuing it's current downward spiral I keep feeling more and more apprehensive about my ability to labor and push out this little person. Every time little Will moves around and it sends shocks to every part of my nether regions, or I get up in the night to go to the bathroom and my whole body feels like it has been beaten by 2x4's sometime the day before I think, "Oh my gosh. How am I going to do this?" At the same time I have flashes of wanting to just cut it out myself.

Rational thought is a minute by minute battle with pregnant women. I know this. I tell myself this all day long. Or I say "Relax. Everything is going to be fine. It is coming very soon. You can do this. Just keeping breathing in and out for now." It's the not knowing that kills me. (And most other pregnant women on the planet.) That's why Peter wants to induce. He really liked that with John. We plan, we go in, we have a baby. Seems like a no-brainer to him. He isn't a man for surprises.

It's just that when something gets me going I labor like a champ all by myself! (and I want to try that epidural thing again!!)
Peter asked me what I planned to do today.
I said maybe I'd start another puzzle.
Or maybe I'll jump on the trampoline.
Whatever.