Mini-melt down at the Costco

Online school in my bathrobe over my thermals, sweats, and t-shirt. I can guarantee that most of my classmates are doing the same thing when we have a class starting at 8am and going until noon. In fact many of the have said as much. I call it "layering for lecture." It's been surprisingly cold here.

In the meantime I've been sewing some masks for the kids. Sending a package tomorrow for Nathaniel, Nancy, Rebecca & Sam with their masks. 

These are four of the eight I'm sending. 2 a piece.

I actually had my first Covid meltdown today. I'm not even sure why. Could be so many things it's hard to choose. Not that I should complain. I know so many people have are dealing with so many things so much more difficult than I am. But today I just lost it out of the blue. I went to Costco to pick up a couple of prescriptions and did some shopping. I had to wait in a decent line outside, which is still very weird. I feel so much anxiety just going out to different places. I've heard lots of people say the same. About 75% of people were wearing masks this time compared to the about 50% I saw last week at HEB. Travis county has made it mandatory and I'm just waiting for it to become so everywhere else, including here in Williamson county. I honestly don't know why we didn't just do that in the first place.

The shelves were pretty well full. I think partly because there are only so many able to be in the store at once and because a lot of people are just not going out. But I was hoping for toilet paper and clorox wipes, neither of which they had, so that was disappointing. I noticed the clothes were stacked up pretty high. Apparently not a lot of people buying clothes. Signs were everywhere in the store like this:

 At the pharmacy and all the registers there is plexiglass now and I had to hold out my card to have them scan it. It feels weird to stand over six feet away and tell the person at the register my name, address and birthdate when picking up our medication through my mask. So much for privacy. I saw a woman from my ward there and asked her why she wasn't wearing one. She said she thinks this whole thing is totally overblown. I understand where she is coming from but it was abrasively said and unnerving to me because I could tell she was angry. I didn't linger.

Being April 15th Peter went to the post office. I don't like him to go places much. No need to put more than one of us at risk He sent me this picture of the plastic they have hanging in there. They've extended the tax deadline by 3 months until July 15 but there was a lot of people he had committed to getting done by today. I'm hoping getting past this is going to help him find a little relief in stress but I know from experience he's going to experience the after-stress wave that always comes. You know how that goes. He gets anxious after the tax season to go somewhere and he wants to see the baby and help Nathaniel and Nancy move into their new place at the beginning of the month but a) I don't know that I think that's a good idea and b) I can't go with him right now, at least by car where I'd be gone for days. I have too much schoolwork to do. 

Which brings me to the crux of the matter. I'm here all day with these two boys. Peter has to work and I need to give him time to do that. I'm also trying to have them do their schoolwork. And laundry, and dishes, and meals and yard work, and general cleaning and shopping. I spend most of my time doing one thing while feeling guilty I'm not doing something else. I should be studying and then when I'm studying I feel like I should be helping Will do his homework or taking him outside. This isn't new. I feel like this all the time during the semesters but not quite to this degree because when the kids are in school I can carve out time to actually just sit in the library at school or here in our public library. I must thrive on guilt because I spend a lot of time feeling it.

So back to Costco. As I'm standing in line to check out I got several picture texts from Nathaniel of the baby. I can't tell you how beautiful he is and how much I want to hold him and see these two new parents with their baby. I keep trying to stuff that away away but I think it crept out without me knowing. The next thing I know there is a Costco associate telling me there is something spilling from my cart. The weed & feed bag has sprung a hole and is now pouring in a pile on the floor. I have no idea how long this has been going on. They run to get a box and put it under the cart and out comes the broom. It was the dumbest thing but it was enough to throw me over the edge. After I walked out of the store after holding up my receipt to their new plexiglass stands I made it out to the parking lot before I cried. And honestly, even after writing all this, I still don't totally understand why. Courtney, my best friend here and my sanity who also happens to be our bishop's wife, said it was long overdue and she had already had several breakdowns lately. She's probably right. After I pulled into the driveway I realized it would have been smart for me to have Sarah go with me. I don't know why I didn't think of it. I'll be smarter next time.