Sunday, December 14, 2008

Decisions, decisions...again

Sarah made this the other day with her pretzels--had to take a picture(:

So I'm finally back here on my blog. 
Now that I'm at the end of this semester (last final on Tuesday of this coming week) I can look back and try to decide whether this is what I want to continue to do. Going to school was kind of a trial thing, and overall it has been a great adventure.

Here are the positive things I have learned from this experience:
--I know what I want to do! There is something to be said just for that!
--I am good at it. I got A's on all my papers (still crossing fingers on this last major one) and got the highest score on my midterm exam for one of my classes. This proves I am capable of doing it. In other words, my brain has not completely melted during the last 14 years of having children and being out of school.
--I love it. I mean, really love it. School is great and BYU is ideal.
--Peter can do dishes-BONUS! He has totally been holding out on me with this hidden talent

But, (yep there's a but) there have been some negatives too:
--Next semester is tax season (No Peter)
--I want to be home with John all the time. He is still my little guy.
--At least one parent needs to be entirely plugged in to the kids. The kids think things have been going fine, but what the heck do they know?
--. A semester goes in waves, you mostly coast along and then once in a while a wave comes along and you feel like your head is being drug along the ocean floor. These times always seem to coincide with when the kids have a school project they need help with.
--I am just a tiny bit OCD (ok--I needn't hear your eyes actually rolling about in your heads quite so loudly.) I can't do as good of a job as I want to on everything I want to do (does that even make sense?)

 The fantasy is nice, but reality comes knocking at my door quite a bit these days. For example, Thursday was my last night class. It was the last review before the final. It just so happens it was also the night of the ward Christmas party, where my kids were singing, and also the night of Rebecca's choir performance. I had to miss the last hour of my class so I could run to the performance,  then run to the ward Christmas party where all the food (including what I sent) was gone. I was tired, I was hungry, I was stressed,  and all I wanted to do is be in the moment.

I knew this was coming. I knew I would have to make this decision and I frankly thought it would be easier. I am all signed up for my upcoming classes this next semester which, thankfully, will only be Tuesday and Thursdays. I have financial aid paying for my tuition and only have to worry about paying for care for John. But guess what? I don't want anyone to take care of my John anymore. I just want him to be with me.

Let's see, family or school, school or family... 
See, if only the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE was not BEING A MOM this would be easier...

Opportunities like this are great for giving us perspective on what is most important, or at least what should be most important. The window of when I can be with my kids is small, whereas the window of when I can go to school is basically limitless.

Here comes Peter wanting me to come to bed, now
Did I mention that my man needs attention too?...


Bonnie said...

That is a totaly hard decision. I keep waiting for the right time for me to go and be something. Even with all the kids in school, there still just isn't enough time! But I commend you for all your hard work and great grades!! You rock! Do you pay yourself for every A?

Meg said...

When we moved to St. George I had to get a a job cake decorating at Harmons bakery. I LOVED IT. I was GOOD at it. They wanted to promote me to manager and give me a raise. But Jasons business was starting to take off, and I chose to go back to being a SAHM asap. Hard decision when you love two things...but we love our families more. I feel for is an acute heartache, with either decision.

April Mitchell said...

I wish:)