We made the big decision and today I had took my cable box and remote down to Comcast and turned them in. It was an emotional time so I thought writing this letter would help me to find some closure...
My Dear Cable--
It has only been a short time since I had to abandon you, but you have not left my thoughts.
You have left a hole in my life that cannot be filled as adequately with any other mindless activity. Every time I look at square of dust you left on my entertainment center I will be filled with longing. Your shiny silver remote was the only thing in my life I could truly control.
The pain will fade in time, and soon I hope to be free of the addiction that is you. I will be blissfully ignorant of the latest drama on "Dancing with the Stars". I must unhook myself from the "CSI" drip, though last season really left me hanging. No more HDTV filling me with the desire to have a beautiful, functional, organized and modern home. Surely my family won't miss the medical programs I couldn't get enough of while they were trying to eat. The gunshot wound operation somehow curbs their appetites and no one else seemed as captivated by "Medical Incredible" or "Mystery Diagnosis". Dr Phil-- don't worry, I think I can now handle my own relationships and I know I can still change the world without Oprah.
Yet, there are things I know I just won't miss. Having to turn off the TV 1,158 times in the day to get my children to listen to me, for example. As all you parents know, we could have on C-SPAN and the kids would still be riveted. I won't have shows geared to my "teen" wearing miniskirts, belly-button rings, and perfect hair and makeup, making life look like it all wraps up nicely in half-hour segments-- as well as the other unmentionables that go on which clearly should only be exposed to the promiscuous adult. Why not call it "Teen Sex in the City"? or "Desperate Teens?"
My children will not melt their brains with "Jimmy Neutron", "Spongebob, "Fairly Odd Parents" or other pointless shows with no real educational purpose. I will no longer have to block or supervise channels. They will never invite friends over only to add lib Chinese people doing weird stunts. During a family program x-rated commercials won't pop up uninvited. John won't parrot a colorful new phrase or burst out with new words for his siblings like "idiot", unless of course, he learns it from me.
I'm not naive, but I want say in what goes into my children's minds whenever I can. Why did I not see you for the intruder you are in my home a lot sooner? I guess the constant flow of information was too much to give up. Think of all the history I may never see, the animals I will never witness, the news I will be ignorant of. How will I know how to survive if I am caught alone on a desert island or in the jungles of the Amazon as the sole survivor of a plane crash? How can I keep informed about the deadly toxins I can get from microwaving food in plastic?
Maybe we should go to the library. Have you seen the newspaper? It is kind of quiet around here.