pouting

Today I feel sad. Or maybe lonely. Or maybe just old.

Today I sat among shiny straight forks. All the dumb blondes in my classes were clearly faking and are actually really smart.

Don't get me wrong, I have zero jealousy for the time these young people are in their lives. I am grateful beyond words to be done with that season of life. I've had my kids. I am done with diapers and nobody wails when they see my bosoms because they are hungry. Peter says the next time he holds a screaming baby it will be his grandchild and he can give it back. 

I don't have to date (hallelujah!!). I never have to plan my wedding again, or meet my in-laws-to-be or go through the super-fun first year of marriage. I get to live with people I want to (most of the time) and I'm not starving through school. Instead of living in a basement with mold growing on the walls I get to live in a nice house. My husband is done with college. Not to mention that I have a car and my own washer and dryer.

But I don't know anyone and everyone else seems to. I wish I could take one of my kids with me to talk to because they are my present friends. I think I'm naked without them.

I know you are thinking that it is going to be fine and bla bla bla. I know that too and I am still thrilled to be in school. Only now is now and for today I feel like the bent fork.

School report

Just as an update I started school yesterday. I can now report back that I am the oldest person in all my classes, however I am not the biggest. I couldn't help but notice kids these days are really letting themselves go, surprisingly making this old mom-o-four look smokin' in comparison to a lot of teenage girls. (ok, well, maybe in a more mature kind of way.) Very different to when I was last in school.

ANYWAY, I got out of my first class and had to hold back tears. I can't believe this day has finally come...I get to go back to college.

In summary, I AM LOVING IT.

College Crisis

So tomorrow I start school. 

"Mrs. Mitchell can you volunteer Wednesday's in Rebecca's class?"

"No, I'm in school on Wednesdays-- gonna have to be Fridays."

"Can we visit teach you on Monday morning?"

"Sorry, I'll be in school then."

I've been telling people I'm going back to school since March. But somehow I still haven't entirely prepared myself. Even when we went to get my books, I felt excited, but it was still a whole 3 days away. Three days is forever! I don't need to worry! I have all the time in the world!

Except that now it's tomorrow. My parking stickers came in the mail today. I drove all the way to Orem to look for a bag at Target to carry my books. (This bag is too bulky, this bag is too bright, this bag is too trendy...I ended up with no bag.) I have nothing to wear. I can't remember how to spell anything anymore. Pregnancy fried my brains. Mine will be the only mini-van in the parking lot with soccer treats and baby wipes. I am completely petrified.

No, seriously,  I cannot remember the last time I was so afraid. 

Peter was a very good, wonderful, supportive (stroke, stroke, nice Peter) husband and took me to get my books because I feel like the oldest person on campus. The only older people in the bookstore were parents buying books for their kids. I can never navigate around the super-sized campus. At Women's Conference I bring friends specially chosen for their navigation skills.

I am the oldest mom at the college and the youngest mom at the junior high. Peter threw in a subtle plug and said if I lost just another 10 lbs. I'd fit in better.

Maybe if I just sit in a corner in the back no one will notice me, but if anyone needs a band-aid, I'm there.

The Brave Mom

Last night Nathaniel came home at 11:30 after watching a movie with friends and when he came up to the house he saw this 2-inch long beetle. He covered it with a bucket so the rest of us could see it this morning. According to him this took great effort on account of his terrible fear and disgust.

So this morning when we did the great unveiling he was horrified to see that his mother actually touched it. (Well, I wanted to see what it would do.) It flailed its legs and made this weird rattling noise and I screamed. So then I had to do it again of course, and screamed again--and again. Then I remembered that we have neighbors, so I stopped screaming and just kept touching it to get that cool reaction. I put it in a jar so the kids can show all their friends today before we let it go. (Relax, it wasn't as if I was planning to keep it as beetle pet or something.)

Nathaniel thinks I am not a normal mother. Normal mothers don't tease their kid's friends. They don't laugh when they drew an "X" on your leg. They don't make up songs about how happy they are to have their kids back in school. Normal mothers don't threaten that if your behavior doesn't change and quick, they are going into your classroom wearing a bathing suit and sing. They don't laugh at their own jokes or when you are mad, or ask you random "what if..." questions.

The other day at Rebecca's soccer practice she spotted a snake and I caught it. Then I held it until John ran over and played with it. The other moms were stupified. "You're a brave mom!" 

Ok, well if it had stripes I wouldn't have done that. I never can remember that yellow/red kill the fellow rhyme to tell the non-poisonous from the harmless. But this was just a little gopher snake or something. I don't like rats (at all) and I detest cockroaches. If a mouse ever ran across the floor I might scream and jump up on the couch.

Once I was in a pet store buying a tarantula as a surprise for Nathaniel. Some big biker dudes were amazed to see me holding it. I said, "Well, you are holding a rat and I wouldn't even come close to that thing." 

Everybody has their thing, I guess. Anyone who saw how I grew up knows we are not a family generally afraid of bugs, snakes or spiders. But we all hate rats and cockroaches.

Who needs a normal mom anyway?

Rainbow

There was the most awesome rainbow the other day and I was at the grocery store cursing myself that I didn't have my camera with me. Lucky for me Sarah got these shots with hers while I was gone. (I'm so proud!)
She took them from our backyard--

Decisions, decisions

So as you know, I'm heading back to school.

In five days.

People keep asking me what I'm going to major in and to tell the truth, I've been agonizing about that all summer. (All summer, daily, hourly)

Nursing is my first pick, but it just so happens to be the hardest program to get into at BYU (or anywhere for that matter). To put it mildly, the competition is fierce. I have to have a 3.8 just to be competitive, which for me means re-taking B's to bring them up to A's (I currently have a 3.5).
These were classes I took when I was seventeen. How's that for being haunted by your past?

The nursing program is rigorous. You are not even supposed to have a job. Hah!! I kind of have a BIG job that just so happens to be the most important one I'll ever have. It's called M-O-M. Can't get those years back. Missing class because one of my kids is sick or has a program at school puts me in a bad position because with labs if you miss it is a bear to make up. I don't really want to be faced with that choice on a regular basis. I can't exactly get a sub.

So after much thought, debate, prayer, etc. I've switched my major to my second choice, teaching English in secondary education. The classes will be so much easier for my little brain and a third of them are offered online.

I have to admit that I was fighting it pretty hard because here in Utah you don't get paid to be a teacher. I guess that makes for some good ones here because you know they aren't exactly in it for the money. (If you don't believe me Google "Nebo School District Salary" to see what my kid's teachers are getting paid.) I know it sounds selfish, but I like to get paid for what I do. As Adam Sandler once said in a job interview, "No, sir, I have no experience but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in."

So there you have it, I'm shallow. The bummer deal is that having decided so late I am having trouble getting into my classes (though there is going to be a very happy person getting into my vacant 10am Chemistry slot!)

Funny thing is when I walked into Nathaniel's school for the Open House I looked around and thought, "I could be happy doing this". At the time I was still a declared major in nursing.

Who knows if I'll be happy doing it. That is the most agonizing thing of all, deciding what you want to do and wondering if you will be happy doing it for the rest of your working life.

All I know is the nursing students at BYU can feel lucky they don't have me for their competition anymore. I'm vicious.

Oh Meryl...

Wasn't really in on the story line but Meryl Streep is my favorite so I really wanted to see Mama Mia. Peter swore up and down he wouldn't take me so I saw it with my step-mom and sister in California.

I loved it. (Note song on my blog) Had some seriously laugh-out-loud moments. Pretty racy plot. Meryl was awesome as usual and absolutely pulled it off. Pierce, well, not so much.

Peter so would have hated it, and may have never recovered.