Monday, September 29, 2008

What in the h%#@ are people thinking?

In my New Testament class there is this guy...
He is not small. He is tall and big. He usually comes in late and has to squeeze himself into a row of the small auditorium-type classroom. 
He takes out his laptop and gets all settled in--all comfy now. 
How nice.
Those of us around tall man resume focusing on the lecture.
11am  must be lunch time for tall man, and tall man cannot be having his lunch late!
So not out of a small, quiet bag, but instead a large plastic grocery sack, tall man draws forth his carefully assembled and toasted sandwich and proceeds to eat.
After the sandwich, comes the chips, because of course-- what kind of lunch would it be without chips? Tall man finishes up his chips and then tilts the bag into his mouth to catch those last few crumbs. (No sense being wasteful.)
So tall man is satisfied now right? Silly us! Now comes the yogurt. He opens his yogurt and eats it happily with his plastic spoon. Once he has reached the bottom tall man is not yet done! He must hold the container over his head through the florescent light to make sure to scrape out the last bits carefully. Then he licks the spoon. Yep, licks that puppy clean.
Now for the granola bar. (What??!!) A nice crackly-packaged one. Lets listen to tall man open it! Now he is eating it because apparently he still has room somewhere in one of his hollow legs to put it.
What is a complete lunch without a dessert? Tall man is unwrapping his chocolate protein bar. Gotta make sure you get enough protein, and plenty of calories to keep tall man's rather feminine shape.
Not to leave out the rather obnoxious comments that have the ring of nerdy know-it-all peppered throughout his meal. (He is quite the multi-tasker!)
What can I say? Not only did I pay for a quality education, but I got the entertainment package too!
This faintly reminds me of a time when I was on a plane and a man, utterly repulsive in every other way, further completes our opinion of him when he actually pulled out a can of tuna and opened it with a can opener and ate it right out of the can. In a plane. TUNA FISH--OUT OF THE CAN
 I swear, if I hadn't seen it myself I wouldn't believe it either.


Sally said...

UNBELIEVABLE! The tuna thing would have made me barf.

RaEStoCo said...

Tall man must get lots of dirty looks from other students. I would definitely be giving him the evil eye.